Take a break from the recent news on murder clowns and the nightmare of elections and scroll on down for some funny mom tweets about every sugar-driven toddler’s favorite time of the year: Halloween!
Funny how everyone at my son’s school is commenting on my zombie costume when this is just what I look like now.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 19, 2016
Parents 364 days a year: Don’t take candy from strangers.
Parents on Halloween: Take candy from strangers. In the dark. And share with me.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) October 19, 2016
Want to enhance your Halloween experience? Have a baby! My nine-month-old really adds to the season’s spooky vibe by CONSTANTLY SCREAMING.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 14, 2016
People should talk more about the perks of having kids, like leaving a legacy and eating the excess candy from every holiday.
— Spookypants Cher (@House_Feminist) April 11, 2015
Have kids so you can steal their Halloween candy or don’t have kids and buy Halloween candy with all the money you save from not having kids
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 10, 2016
Heard a Trader Joe’s commercial advocating substituting carrot sticks for candy on Halloween, and I’m disgusted by what society has become.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 29, 2015
I really want to scare the shit out of my husband this year so I’m debating dressing as a clown or handing him a positive pregnancy test.
— Graceful AF (@graceful_asfuck) October 19, 2016
*Gives straight gluten to any trick-or-treaters with Pinteresty-looking costumes*
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 30, 2015
It’s cute how we pretend we get “free” candy for Halloween, as if we didn’t spend a ton of money on costumes and candy to give to strangers.
— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 19, 2016
My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she’s going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 6, 2016
If you really want to scare kids this Halloween, go as a baby boomer who doesn’t believe in climate change and is voting for Donald Trump.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) October 19, 2016
Mom Halloween Costume Ideas:
Slutty Cracked iPad Screen
Slutty Unfinished Bento Box Lunch
Slutty Toothpaste Puddle
Slutty Pile of Laundry
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 19, 2016